I laughed when I heard Martha Beck utter these words in her book, The Four Day Win. She has a great sense of humor and is particularly good at capturing sentiments we all feel. don’t know about you, but I have been asked myself this question at least a dozen times a month since I was eleven. I’ve quietly belittled, criticized, mocked, scolded and generally abused myself on the issue of weight and appearance for a very long time! What are we so mean to ourselves??
BECOMING AWARE OF SELF-TALK
I was not consciously aware that I was bating up on myself until I picked up Martha Beck’s book The Four Day Win. A friend who has lost 100 lbs. recommended to me. I was already a huge fan of Martha Beck’s. She’s honest, to the point, well-educated and you believe she knows what she’s talking about from first hand experience.
After I downloaded the ebook, I slipped on my headphones and to find my way to a thinner me. The very first words I heard were, “Why are you so damn fat!?” I laughed out loud! As I continued to listen, I realized her point was not to belittle her listeners, after all it’s rare that in real life anyone would say such an unkind thing to another human being (except perhaps our parents or siblings!). Her point was to make us aware that we say exactly these kinds of things to ourselves, over and over and over, day in and day out, year in and year out. We are our worst critics, and not just about our physical appearance but about our behavior and choices as well.
ARE YOU YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND?
We are not our own best friend. Quite the contrary. We’re probably worse than our worst enemy! Why wouldn’t we soothe our wounded egos with a half gallon of ice cream! (Incidentally, did you know ice cream doesn’t even come in half gallons anymore! That was not at all nice of the manufactures to sneak this downsize in on us. They certainly didn’t lower the price! Yes, I am an addict. <— See? I just did it!)
What we tell ourselves via our constant stream of mental gibber jabber, is not only not
nice, but it is not one bit helpful! Martha doesn’t mince words. In The Four Day Win she also comes right out and says what most of us think, “really people, who doesn’t know the basics of weight loss? Eat less. Move more. That’s all there is to it!” It’s not about the “perfect diet” or the “right exercise routine”, although they can be very helpful tools, it’s about the way we think and what we tell ourselves consciously and unconsciously.
It’s time to figure out what is going on inside our heads and in this book Beck promises to help us do it. I’m ready to see if she’s right! Care to join me?
I don’t know of Martha Beck (I’m in UK) but I like her style! It’s almost always in our head, isn’t it? I find saying to myself, ‘Are you hungry? Do you really want this at this moment?’ helps much more than telling myself things ‘you mustn’t eat this, you fat old bag!’
Thanks for the post!
Jane
I am so glad you stopped by and left a comment! I absolutely adore UK expressions and you cheered me up this morning for sure! I see that you are what we call here a Life Coach ~ Martha Beck is as well. Finding Your North Star and Steering by Starlight are wonderful and helped me a whole lot at a time when I was going through several difficult life transitions. You might enjoy taking a look at them. I have subscribed to your blog and look forward to getting to know you better!
That’s lovely! Thank you. Isn’t the internet a wonderful thing! I too look forward to our developing relationship! Here’s a Scottish expression for you:-
Lang may yer lum reek!
All the best,
Jane
🙂
Thank you! What does it mean?
I am a huge proponent of telling my inner bully to shut the eff up. It’s amazing how darned mean we can be to ourselves. We learned it from others who were also mean to themselves. Good on ya. Martha sounds like my kinda gal. I’ll take a look at the book and see if I feel like its a good fit for me, or if I’d rather spend the money on new clothes. Yea, Im at the buying new clothes stage after having lost 30 pounds over the past year. I am up for supporting each other however we can, Dorothy. Let me know how I can do that.
Sue
Good for you Sue! Sounds like you’re not in urgent need of Martha but she may help you keep the weight off down the road. I lost 60 lbs a couple of years ago and put it all back on over the period of time I was taking care of my mother and life crashed in around me. I’ve been struggling ever since to get up the courage to start again. It feels harder now than ever before because the goal is not a skinny, young thing – but a healthier old lady! I’ve learned from Martha’s other books that if I can change the way I think, I can change my life. So I’m giving it a shot.
Supporting each other is for me just about showing up in each others lives and caring. You do that every time you stop by my blog and leave a comment. Thank you so much for that! I hope I can return the favor.
you may not remember leaving a comment on my blog related to my weight loss journey, but i do. i post every friday and have a link on fb. hope i see you another time.
sue
I do enjoy reading your posts on Facebook! I had forgotten that I left of comment but I remember now. Just had a “senior moment”!
Thank you, thanks you! I am very much looking forward to listening/reading this book. It sounds as if it gets right to the heart of what is on virtually everyones mind, all day, every day! Very helpful post.
I’ve gotten through the first few chapters and think I may listen to the whole thing through once and then go back and do the work sheets. I always like to listen (or read) her books several times because they are so packed full of information that requires action on my part! She has helped me to make significant changes more than once in the last several years. I hope she can do the same with helping me to help myself become more healthy! Let me know what you think when you read it.
i really needed to hear this morning that we need to keep focused on what we love doing. thank you
I have to keep reminding myself of that Sue!
Oh dear! I enjoyed reading this post but for some reason it has made me want to go and eat some ice cream. I’m going to as well 🙂
I know, right? The key is to do what we love so we don’t have time to think about food (and ice cream!)!
Truth be told, I’m kinder to others than I am to myself. I guess the old habit of negative self-talk dies hard.
If I ever find a copy of Oprah’s O magazine, I can usually find Martha Beck there. Such a hoot and so wise in the bargain!
Every once in a while I read something she’s written and feel the same. I read all of her books a while ago and love her take on things.