The unfolding of consciousness sometimes feels like a runaway freight train…and I’m just hanging on for dear life. Ah, but what a ride! My only regret is that I got on board so late in life. On the other hand, my life’s path that led me to this point carries with it an experiential awareness of the many life lessons we all must face. The pain of the past also propels me forward toward union with soul consciousness and away from the void of spiritual death that we live with when we are disconnected from ourselves and from creation.
I’ve sought a deeper connection with the divine since I lost my awareness of that connection as a young child. I did not know that I was also seeking a connection with myself, the deeper, true self that was set upon a shelf for safe keeping for survival’s sake. My child self knew intrinsically the love of the divine, the safety net of a benevolent universe, but believed she had to trade it for life. It doesn’t matter if this was true or not, the trade was made.
Taking back the soul self is both incredibly easy and inordinately difficult. It is taking baby steps of trust, incremental achievements in awareness of self – what is true, what is not – what is soul, what is not – what is love, what is not – separating the wheat from the chaff, the truth from the lie.
When I started crawling out of the hole I was in I had no idea it would lead me here – lead me home – lead me to where I always wanted to be. So very familiar. So very new. I’d like a safety net, but it is my job to weave one for myself. I’d like directions, but it is up to me to listen to my own inner voice. There are no answers outside of myself – ultimately. Taking full and total responsibility for the choices I make, the steps I take, the love I give, the love I turn away, the time I waste, the words I share, the thoughts I keep to myself – it’s all on me. Just me. And, that’s okay.