Accepting Our Body at Every Age

Accepting our body, and all of its imperfections, is no easy feat. This is especially true in a culture that reveres the young and extraordinarily tall and thin!

A friend shared an article on Facebook entitled: We Hate Our Bodies, and It’s Not Our Fault. How could I not read it after all the conversations we’ve had on the subject of body image and self-acceptance? I wondered what younger women were thinking? As I read it, my memories came to the surface. Even when we make significant steps toward self-acceptance, the damage runs deep and lingers long.

I was saddened that the post was written by a 37 year old woman who wrote that her body image demons took root at the age of seven. My most entrenched body image issues arose when I was nine, or so I thought. Seven seemed sadly young to me.

CULTURAL DEMANDS ON WOMEN

Like most women, I carry the scars of living for too many years trying to measure up to external guidelines of beauty. Accepting our body is difficult when we measure ourselves against others. I cry sad and bitter tears for all of the precious little girls who live inside each of us today,  silently bearing similar wounds. How many little beauties are fielding daily assaults on their self-image today?  We know what they do not. These assaults last a lifetime.

WHO’S FAULT IS IT?

Victims of abuse often feel that they are to blame for what has happened to them. The admission of innocence by the author in the aforementioned post is one more telling piece of evidence that supports the understanding that the collective thought and action toward women is, in fact, abuse. There is not only first hand abuse, but the abused are unknowingly abusing. The mother who was denigrated for her appearance, often unwittingly inflicts the same skewed standards on her daughter. Insofar as we do not stop the abuse at its source, we are cooperating with it.

Victims of abuse are not to blame. But, as we heal we must do what they can not to pass the wound along. We are not to blame for the messages we received as children, but it is our responsibility to take what steps we can to alleviate the suffering of the future generation of women.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Things are not changing fast enough to suit me. We continue to allow big business, and the media, to wield power over us. As long as we acquiesce by purchasing their products, their influence will remain strong. Every time we step foot into Victoria’s Secret, and put money on the counter, we reinforce a certain body image standard We give the company permission to promote their images of women, and we abdicate our responsibility to right the wrong. We perpetuate a mindset that sets up one more little girl to not accept her body.

Every time we buy SPANX, we support an industry that says curves and softness are to be vanquished. We are saying we can only accept our body as it is perceived and defined by the fashion industry and passed on ad nauseum by the media. Each time we disparage our age, criticize our wrinkles, buy another product to change or hide or cover up who we are, we are passing on the curse of cultural expectations to those who follow in our footsteps.

“BEAUTY IS AN INSIDE JOB”

feed the beauty
Art: Sophie Lumen

Our very first step, as my friend Sophie Lumen so aptly stated many times on her Feed the Beauty website and Facebook page, “beauty is an inside job”.  Accepting our body is an inside job.  Get healthy in body, mind and spirit and we won’t need Victoria’s Secret or Spanx. We won’t need a face lift or a tummy tuck. Our bodies are beautiful in all of their little, and not so little, dips and curves and infinite uniqueness. As Dr. Estes reminds us, “Our body is our beloved companion”. Would we treat our beloved in the way we treat ourselves? I think not.

But, what can we do to change such an insidious mindset?

Plenty. We have the power…collectively. Imagine if today, this minute, each one of us did one thing internally and one thing externally to attack this problem. Much would change. By taking a personal step of any size toward greater self-love, self-care and self-acceptance, and one public step toward changing the destructive cultural patterns that continue to wound little girls and women, we can make a difference.

As we grow in awareness and learn to accept our body just as it is, we may find that we are repelled by the images we see. When we focus on honoring and respecting who we are, we are repelled by anything that debases us or sends the message that we should pretend to be something or someone we are not.

Each time we refuse to purchase a product that reflects an unrealistic, culturally devised image of a woman, we take a stand for truth and self-love. Women’s magazines and websites are rife with such images and advertisers. Begin there. Send letters, write posts like this one. Next time you encounter an unrealistic image or ad call the initiator, or refuse to purchase the product. Let them know. Make your statement public. Purchasing power is a mighty sword and we have it in spades.

It’s time ladies. Let’s take a stand to stop the abuse and take back our self-respect and dignity.

 

Recommended Reading/Listening:


“Each one of us is a triumvirate being – at once the union of the body, soul, and all that lies within.” For any that experience disharmony amongst these three vital aspects, Dr. Clarissa Estes reveals a path back to wholeness. Join her with the Joyous Body: Myths and Stories of the Wise Woman Archetype for the third volume of her masterwork on the Wise Woman archetype. This empowering six-session program shares original and old family stories, poems and psychological commentary on the challenges, remedies and ancient knowings of the female body, “that which is not a dumb servant but a divine human traveler and consort.”

MORE ARTICLES ON BODY IMAGE:

Keeping Up Appearances: Who Would We Be If We Quit Talking About Aging

Women at War with Their Bodies

 

 

Thank You For Reading! What Is Your Opinion?