Family Drama is something few of us escape. As time goes by and our families grow, it can happen more often. In-laws of all varieties combined with different upbringings and personalities can lead to disagreements and upsetting arguments. Even when you’re not personally involved, it’s common to feel pressured to pick a side or to be the one who comes up with a solution. If family drama is taking up too much of your time and energy, you have some choices. First, you may want to consider staying out of it completely. If this is not an option, there are methods to help us cope, and/or learn to diffuse the tension.
Be a Neutral Party Where Appropriate
Just because there’s drama within your family, doesn’t mean that you have to get involved with it. Family members may try to get you to chime in and take sides, especially if there’s a disagreement between your children or your siblings. If the drama doesn’t have anything to do with you, consider leaving the parties to resolve their own problem. If, however, you feel you need to be a mediator, seek advice and support.
Seek Advice and Support
It can be very helpful to have an outsider’s perspective when dealing with family drama. Instead of just listening to the voices of family members, reach out to a third party for advice and support. You may want to consider safe online peer support groups. In such a support group you will receive a wide variety of opinions and remain anonymous if you so choose. This will help you focus in on what rings true to you and what doesn’t and feed you with ideas and options. Or, talk to a friend who you know will be honest with you and not just take your side. Look for someone you can confide in, whether it’s a religious leader, therapist, co-worker, or friend.
Understand What’s Happening
If you choose to get involved in family drama that isn’t directly related to you, it’s essential to get the facts before you give your input. It’s easy to hear things through the family grapevine and not have an accurate picture. Your input will be most effective when you have the facts. Try to talk to everyone involved, listen to their side of the story how they feel about what is going on. When you are satisfied that you have an accurate picture, then offer your input.
Avoid Causing Drama
While family drama often comes from others, you can sometimes find yourself getting involved in your own drama. Inadvertently, there are times when emotions run high and before we know it we’ve been drawn into conflict with someone we love and care about. One of the most valuable things to do when this happens is to take a step back. Giving ourselves the time and space to calm down and think about the issue(s) will help us gain perspective. In a calmer space, solutions are more apt to appear. Then, you may decide to let the whole thing go, or that it is time to stick to your guns. Alternatively, you may come up with a compromise or simply agree to disagree.
Learn to Stay Calm
It’s not uncommon for families to have one or two member who seem to always create drama. Whether it’s with just you or with everyone, it can be difficult to handle. A few coping strategies can make this situation easier to deal with. First and foremost, strive to stay calm. mThis is one of the most effective approaches to dealing with drama queens and kings. Whether this means walking away, tuning out while they’re talking or agreeing to everything they say, refusing to get sucked in will pull the plug on developing drama.
Use a Mediator
If there is a high level of drama in your family that won’t resolve itself, consider using a family mediator. You may think you want to be the mediator for other family members, but a neutral party can be very beneficial. A professional mediator or therapist has training and the tools and techniques to diffuse the situation and help parties work toward a solution. Of course, all parties need to agree to see the mediator, and you may want to help make it happen. In this case, think about how to present the idea of a mediator to them without pushing this agenda on them. Help them to see it is in their best interest.
