A happy and healthy relationship doesn’t just happen, at any age. It takes a desire to work on the relationship and a willingness to take the time to do so. This is even more important when a couple begins to face the physical and emotional challenges of the aging process. Here are a few tips to get you started.
Talk with Each Other Constructively
Believe it or not, how you say things is just as important as what you say. When you have a disagreement with your partner, and what couple doesn’t, make an effort to avoid attacking or criticizing them. Instead of saying “you did such and such”, use “I” statements instead. Start a sentence with “I feel”, instead of “you always…” Take responsibility for your feelings, actions and emotions. When we talk from the heart, we own our feelings and reactions rather than blaming our partner. Then it’s up to them to do the same.
Listen to Each Other
Listening to one another is central to any happy, healthy relationship. It is sometimes difficult to hear what your partner is saying because we are wrapped up in your own thoughts and emotions. If possible, take a few minutes to set your own feelings aside and listen to what your partner has to say. Let him know that you are listening by repeating back to him what he just said. Likewise, ask him/her to do the same.
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- Listen without judgement.
- Express your feelings in I statements.
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These two tips can bring about significant change in a relationship. If you are married then marriage counselling will provide practice and instruction for improving your communication and understanding of one another.
Don’t Bottle Anything Up
If something has really upset you, do yourself and your partner a favor by talking about it, rather than bottling it up. Keeping hurts and upsets to yourself only shows up later in resentment and passive aggressive behavior. If something matters to you then show yourself the respect and kindness you deserve by making the time to talk about it.
Keep Things Fresh
This probably sounds like a cliché, but it’s important to keep things fun in a relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. This can make a huge difference. It’s easy to get complacent over time and boredom and dissatisfaction will fill in where the fun once existed. Let your partner know that you appreciate them by talking to them and occasionally surprising them.
Leave the Little Stuff Behind
When there is something big that is bothering you, be sure to talk about it. But sometimes it’s helpful to just let the little things go. Little annoyances and irritations could be more just your bad day than an issue your partner needs to address. If you find you are easily irritated, consider that it might be time to do something nice for yourself. Give yourself the attention you think your partner should be giving to you. In the end, it’s up to each of us to make ourselves happy. You may just discover the irritations vanish!
Appreciate what you Have
Many people who become dissatisfied with their relationship think that there must be someone else out there who would be better. Unfortunately, when they take that step, they often find the same problems cropping up in the new relationship. Relationships are not about finding the perfect partner. They are about allowing the connection between two people to grow and develop. When we work at our relationships by working on ourselves independently, a happy and healthy relationship is possible.
