If you’re a caregiver, as I am, chances are good that your initial response to give from your abundance was, “yeah, right.” In fact, women are the caregivers of the world. We’re mothers, teachers, nurses, friends, sisters, and daughters and in these roles we care for others. We give until we can’t give any more. It’s just what we do. So, you say, there is no abundance to give from.
I get it. In fact, I woke up to this principal when I was struggling to pull myself out of a mega burn out, the second or third of its kind. The sad thing is, even as I was giving so much that I was killing myself, I did not think I was doing enough. I saw myself as a failure. Talk about misguided! ha ha
Learning to give from our abundance is a practice that starts with small and incremental steps, but once you get the hang of it, there is enormous relief.
THE PROCESS OF GIVING FROM YOUR ABUNDANCE
STEP ONE
Make a list of the things you love to do, the things that energize you. Make a second list of your super powers. What personality traits are your strongest.
STEP TWO
Make a third list of the people and things you do that feel hard and/or draining.
Make a fourth list of the feelings and emotions that drain you and a note as to when they occur.
STEP THREE
For one week, or even one day, do only those things you listed in step one. Focus only on those aspects of who you are that lift you up, that energize and delight you, and do the same for others.
STEP FOUR
For one week, or even one day, do none of those things you listed in step two.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY’S SIGNALS
Our bodies are fine tuned to guide us to energy and abundance. We just have to learn to pay attention and listen to the signals it gives us. Take some time to pay attention to the signals your body gives you when something comes up you don’t want to do. Do you get a knot in your stomach? A headache? A heavy feeling all over? This is your body telling you in no uncertain terms, “Do not do it. Say no.” Head the warning.
On the flip side, our bodies tell us when it’s okay to give by feelings of lightness and energy. The problem is, we may also have a habit of either ignoring these body signals or allowing them to be sabotaged. Our shadow may leap out and steal our joy before we even know what hit us.
BECOME AWARE OF YOUR SHADOW
While how to become aware of your shadow is beyond the prevue of this post, I’d at least like to offer some food for thought. If you’re at all familiar with archetypes, you probably know that there is a Caregiver Archetype, and with all archetypes there is a shadow side to the caregiver.
Those with the caregiver archetype in their lexicon are often therapists, nurses, clergy, etc. They are a gift to the world as they find joy in giving and there is such need for their generosity of spirit. However, the shadow side of the caregiver archetype employs the ego in its giving. It gives not out of its abundance but as a means of getting in return. The shadow may also push us into over giving where we take refuge in the martyr archetype. We may also use our gift in destructive ways by enabling negative behaviors in others by taking care of them rather than encouraging then to take care of themselves.
GET HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Take a little time to reflect on the nature of your giving. If you find evidence of your shadow, don’t beat yourself up. Awareness is 99% of the battle. Once your aware that you love the martyr role more than is healthy you will never stop being aware of this tendency and you will automatically begin to shift your behavior.
As I said, to give from your abundance takes practice, but more importantly it takes awareness. When we become aware of our patterns, our patterns start to shift. The best thing we can do to facilitate the shift is to tune in to our body’s signals and our thoughts and keep our focus on lightness, energy and joy. Little by little we discover we learn how to mine our abundance for the benefit of the world.
