Accepting the Unresolved In Your Life

Accepting the Unresolved In Your Life

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet  


Holly Sierra
in Stowe, Vermont

Kim Gorman, fellow blogger at Midlife Awakenings, reminded me of this quote in her blog post. It is a very timely quote. Thank you, Kim.

Much of my life I have not been a patient person . . . with myself that is. With others, I have endless patience. Raised with a typical Western mindset, I believed that if I was suffering, then I was doing something wrong. The fix then is figure out what I am doing wrong and change it! Easy peasy.

After five decades of employing this method with only a modicum of results, I encountered a challenge that was too big for such a fruitless approach. Allowing time to assist me in healing my wounds was not something I understood until I had no other choice.

The longer I lived and the more unanswered questions piled up the weightier my world became. Rilke’s wise words hold a valuable reminder for those of us still learning to let go of the need to know why things happen as they do. We will drive ourselves crazy trying to find all of the answers.

Instead, love the questions. Embrace the uncertainty. Go with the flow of life. Allow life to unfold in a natural progression. This is not indifference, or laissez-faire. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s an active questioning and allowing each question to unfold one after the other. The answers we need to know will unfold naturally in this way.

The difficulty in making this a part of our life, is not in the difficulty of the process itself, but in the strength of our resistance to it. Once, however, we are get a taste of the freedom and energy this change in our mindset creates, it becomes easier to do. In fact, it is the most natural thing in the world and the way we were created.

Asking questions is second nature to me. As I let go of the need to pass the test, or have the answer to every question, a quiet joy arises and the world opens up exactly as it should.

The Masks We Wear

Beneath the Mask of Depression




9 Replies to “Accepting the Unresolved In Your Life”

  1. SO true, Dorothy! With time I have learned to become more patient with myself. And I just love: “Being patient with the process of self-discovery is key to traveling the path of authentic living. ”
    Yes, ma’am!
    Love this.

  2. You held a mirror up to me with this post, Dorothy. Right now I’m anticipating a move, walking further down the writing path, and juggling daily tasks. Underneath it all, I am happy and feel fulfilled, but it would be nice to hit a plateau. Then again, maybe not.

    1. I’ve noticed that I find fewer plateaus than I used to! As soon as I do, I stir up more “trouble”! Good luck with your move and your writing! It’s a lot to manage!

  3. It seems to me that the ability to be patient with myself ebbs and flows depending on how I’m feeling about life in general. Sometimes I nail it . . . other times, not so much. I suppose recognizing that is the first step toward maintaining that patience!

    1. That has been my experience as well, Linda. We even benefit from learning to be patience with our impatience! 🙂 I have learned that when I am able to allow whatever I feel just to be without resisting it or trying to change it, I am able to gain distance from the feeling and it passes easier. Notice, observe with resistance, and move on. We cause ourselves enormous angst but fighting what is. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. DS

  4. I loved this line, ” I needed the dress to be a reflection of who I am now, not who I was or who I thought others expected me to be.”
    That is the best part, when we reach that acceptance of our ‘new’ self, the person we are now. We shouldn’t mourn the past, but embrace who we are now. 🙂

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