PUSHED OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE

FULL OF SUPRISES

I have been pushed out of my comfort zone. Big time. Last night, I received a FaceTime phone call from my sons and their wives/fiance. I’m always excited when I see their faces on my phone and, I answered without hesitation. I must admit my anxiety level sparked.  You see, they have an increasingly well-established tradition of calling me on FaceTime with news like “We’re engaged!”, or “We’re also engaged!”, and We’ve set the date!” The last was, “We’re having a baby!” All good news, of course. All more or less a surprise!  Trapped in the phone 1,000 miles away I have all these emotions that arise in me and I cannot hug them! It’s awful, as physical touch is my go-to for expressing my love– and well, everything else! For days, and sometimes weeks, after each bit of news, I’m giddy and anxious because I can’t release what I’m feeling.  Words help. Music helps. But a hug would do much better. For me. When I picked up the phone last night (do people even use that expression anymore?), I waited expectantly for their “why” of the family call.  After our hellos, my D-I-L, holding sweet baby Emmett, is the first to speak.  “Tori’s pregnant!” I put down the phone to re-group, though I knew it was a joke.  Tori loves kids and babies, and wants one, but she is firm on not having kids until they’re married — the wedding is in October/ So I picked the phone back up and said, “No, she’s not. She wouldn’t dream of not being able to fit into her wedding gown!” We all laughed. Then, the real announcement came.

HERE IT IS: The Launching

My youngest son, Devon, the designated speaker (might have been his idea) says, “We’re flying you out here for a week for your birthday so you can go to Tori’s Bridal Shower and see Emmett.” I’d even forgotten my birthday was on the horizon!  I was speechless, awash with feelings.  “Wow.” My ordinarily sufficient vocabulary left me. “Wow. That’s awesome!” PLEASE LET ME JUMP THROUGH THE PHONE AND HUG ALL OF YOU! My birthday is the 14th, and Scott has planned a couple of days in Charleston, SC.  My mind was racing. When??? I’d forgotten the shower date because alas I wasn’t able to attend.  I’d promised my sister I’d house sit and take care of her dog the last week in August. Oh, no! Panic set in, even as my words tumbled out in excitement and appreciation. I felt loved. Hubby was involved in the planning, I learned after I hung up,  and has it all figured out. We’re good.

MY POINT IS THIS. . .

All of this is just the groundwork for the real point of this post. I HATE TO TRAVEL ALONE! Yikes! Of course I want to go! I’ve been so sad about missing all of the showers and pre-wedding/baby events. I missed most of Erin’s pregnancy and watching my son grow into a husband and now father.  This is a chance to be a part of their world. However, now, I have to do this thing solo! It’s not a big deal at all for most, but it’s huge for me. It’s also something I need to do! My kids are the only ones who can push me  out of my comfort zone in a big way.  I’d do anything for them, and they know it. For four years they’ve been half way across the country. We’ve driven every time we’ve visited,except for the wedding two years ago. And, it was the first time I had flown in twenty-five years! It was not a fear of flying, but life circumstances that kept me on the ground. As a young person I loved to fly and did so alone on numerous occasions. However, that was pre-9/11, pre-car accident, pre-PTSD, PRE-LIFE!

TWO WEEKS TO PREPARE

So here I am. Two weeks to prepare, mostly my psyche. I take comfort in the knowledge that my teacher/mentor Caroline Myss confessed that she hates traveling alone, and she is one of the most courageous, together people I know! (She also has the money to hire or bribe people to travel with her, I suspect.) Still…it’s good to know that being a wimp doesn’t necessarily mean one is totally devoid of courage and inner strength. We use our courage and inner strength forging frontier of the inner life. Right Caroline? 🙂 The next two weeks will not be focused on running around getting “ready”. It will be focused on running inside myself and preparing. I will amp up my calming, centering practices that I have let slip. Since the phone call I have already re-ignited my mindfulness.  Every time a fear-based thought arises, I force my attention back to the NOW. Keeping myself in each moment as it unfolds is the best way I know to get through this and enjoy the process.  But, it will take effort and concentration to make it happen.

FEAR ZONE vs. COMFORT ZONE

When I’m in my comfort zone, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than be at Tori’s shower and hold baby Emmett. In my fear zone, I want to run and hide. It’s my choice. In addition to mindfulness, I will improve my diet and stop slacking off on exercise. Getting my body ready for traveling is essential. Yes, it’s hot, but sweating is a great way to detox. I will fit in a massage and spend time with those who believe I have it in me to do this. Their belief in me is contagious. I believe everything will fall in place. When we’re on the path we’re meant to be on, it always does. That’s been my experience. And when I’m on the right path there’s a hum of electricity that buzzes. . . now that I think of it, that hum started several days ago, even before I got the phone call! Ah, the Universe. . . it’s an amazing place! So, let’s do this thing! Thanks kids. You pushed me out of my comfort zone and for better or worse I’m going to grow from this experience. And, I CAN’T WAIT TO HUG ALL OF YOU!

Have you been shoved out of your comfort zone and lived to tell the tale?