Usefulness and the Music Within

Discovering how purpose and joy intertwine in midlife. . .

As a child, I never quite knew how to be useful. The youngest of five, I trailed behind a family of capable people. My mother cooked and baked for neighbors in need. My father fixed cars, mended fences, tended the garden. All four of my siblings were busy and skilled, and I admired them all. But me? I didn’t yet know where I fit or what I had to offer.

A Song from the Heart

One December afternoon, my sister sat at the piano and began playing O Holy Night. She asked me to sing while she played. I did—tentatively at first, then with more confidence. We practiced, we laughed, and something shifted inside me. For the first time, I felt useful—not in the way my parents were, but in a way that lifted my heart.

I had something to give.

Years later, I came to understand that feeling useful is essential to self-worth. When I couldn’t see my usefulness, my spirit dimmed. Depression grew out of that emptiness. As a mother, that feeling changed. Caring for my children gave my life meaning and direction. It made the endless work of parenting feel sacred. But when my nest began to empty, that restlessness returned. I needed to find a new way to be useful—something that came from who I was becoming, not who I had been.

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
― Rumi

The Voice of the Shadow

I often think of my parents now. For all their hard work, they never seemed to feel they had done enough. Restlessness shadowed them to the end. I don’t want to live that way. I want, as Wayne Dyer wrote, “not to die with my music still in me.”

Being useful matters. But what matters most is being useful in a way that makes your heart sing. For me, that was writing. When I began to share words with women navigating midlife, something inside me woke up. I felt connected, alive, and—finally—useful again.

When I lose my way, when I doubt myself or question whether my words matter, I remind myself to return to what lights me up inside. Usefulness isn’t about effort. It’s about alignment. When your gift and your heart meet, that’s where the music begins.

What makes your heart sing?