Father’s Day is a day, created by a culture whose moral, ethical and spiritual foundation is at times questionable, and yet we are sucked in by it. How many of us are feeling guilt today because we don’t feel a generosity of spirit toward our fathers? Or, sad because our fathers were taken from us too soon? Or, have a hole in our hearts because we did not have a father? Not everyone has a Hallmark Father’s Day. I would guess most do not. And yet, we feel that there is something wrong with us when we have negative feelings on Fathers’ Day.
DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS
My father died fifteen years ago, but our relationship never got off the ground. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t experience discomfort from the lack of love in my early life. This emptiness, however, has been a gift to me. It has driven me deeper and deeper over the years into an exploration of my inner life; to a richer understanding of psychological and spiritual growth. I have more compassion for those in pain than I might otherwise have had, and a powerful desire to walk with those who suffer through their pain and toward the light.
Our discomfort in life is our signal to take a deeper look inside of ourselves. When we feel the nudge of anxiety, fear, sorrow, or depression, it is our cue that something needs attention. Although dwelling in our discomfort has it’s own drawbacks, our pain and discomfort can be a useful tool. If we choose to embrace our discomfort rather than run away from it, we are more apt to heal past wounds. In doing so, we can live more fully in the present. As we learn from our pain and discomfort and set it free, we create space in our hearts for something better.
DISCOMFORT AS OPPORTUNITY
I have no real reason to feel sorry for myself because my father was emotionally absent. I know that now. If you are uncomfortable with Father’s Day, and your memory and thoughts make you uneasy, be compassionate with yourself. Use your discomfort as an opportunity to go deeper, to grow in understanding and acceptance of what was. As you allow the wounds to heal, you will simultaneously unearth the real you. We carry an ember of love and truth with us, regardless of how life has destroyed our awareness of it. It’s not gone, only buried beneath the hurt and despair, behind walls created to protect ourselves. Our soul is waiting for us to remove the debris that covers it and blow on it gently until it erupts into a flame.
Replace your pain today with a prayer of gratitude because even in the midst of pain and sorrow there is eternal hope. It is our birthright. Father’s Day need not be a day of sadness. It can just as easily be a day to celebrate the gifts it bring us in other ways.
Right on, Dorothy. I can’t think of my father without digging deep into my own psychi in order to understand who he was and how he got that way. It is true that until we examine what we find carefully we can not feel compassion, forgiveness, and love for our parents as well as for ourselves.
Forgiveness is often a lifelong process. Compassion may be harder for some to find.
Thanks so much for this. As an adoptee with no information about my bio father, and a less than close relationship to my adoptive Dad (military, active in his church and very little bond beyond early childhood) I struggle with even a tribute on facebook.
I understand.