Support, given and received is essential to maintaining our equilibrium through life. I am not an optimistic person by nature. That’s my husband’s job. My job seems to be to temper his enthusiasm with a healthy dose of reality. It doesn’t always work. Some days he goes completely off the rails, and some days that’s my role to play. The best moments in our long and challenging marriage have been those moments when we pick up each other’s slack. A perfect example of this took place recently.
SUPPORT THROUGH HEALTH CHALLENGES
Several weeks ago, he informed me that he needed cataract surgery. No big deal by most people’s standards. Still, I am easily triggered by health issues, particularly his. He’s generally a very healthy individual, active and energetic. In some ways he runs circles around me. Like the tortoise and the hare, however, my slow and steady nature keeps up with his race to the finish line and we tend to both collapse at about the same time. Offering each other support along the way is more of a challenge.
When he told me about the scheduled procedure, I fell apart. By the time the moment arrived I was back on my game. I drove him to all of his appointments, gave him pep talks and encouragement when he needed them, managed meals and shopping and all the various chores while he slept off the anesthesia. I listened patiently while he described in great detail what he learned about the procedure and followed him around to make sure he was doing what he needed to do to keep his eye safe as it healed.
RECOVERY & RHYTHM
This morning he woke up healed and ready to go. So it was my turn to have a let down. I don’t know why I’m always surprised when it happens. We could set our clocks by this rhythm in our relationship. I had a good cry. He held me, listened to me, comforted me and now we’re back online. We were able to give each other the support we needed, when we needed it.
Everything about life happens by this very same rhythm and cycle. We’re up, then we’re down, then we’re even. Equilibrium. It’s one of my favorite words and has been since my days studying economics in college. As we strive to maintain our equilibrium from day-to-day, we often wish we didn’t have to endure the valleys, and yet without them the peaks would be less appealing. Equilibrium must be recognized as a guideline, not a goal, for it describes only things that are by their nature fluid.
SUPPORT AND COMPANIONSHIP
Having company along this up and down journey called life makes such a difference. We all benefit from support; from having someone laugh at our jokes, hold us when we are at a loss for words, listen to us vent and for whom we can return the favor. In fact, I believe we benefit from having several someones. Life is hard! It’s not for sissies, as they say.
The Aging Abundantly Community is fast becoming a place where members can go to find a bit of this sort of support. I hoped it would be like this when I started it, but you never know what chemistry will take place when you mix strangers together. Like previous experiences I’ve had with women of our ilk, I’m once again blown away by the caring, compassion, strength and courage that women display.
Please don’t go it alone. You don’t have to. If you have everything you need that’s wonderful. Good for you. But, if you don’t, if you could use an understanding friend, join us. Joining the community is absolutely free. An option for an enhanced membership that offers price breaks for workshops, books, and products is available for a nominal membership fee.
After all, even if you have a husband or partner, they can only do so much!
Courage and compassion, a good way to achieve balance in any relationship. The photos are perfect, Dorothy!
Thank you, Marian!