Caring for an elderly loved one is an admirable life choice, and developing an understanding approach eldercare is 
a necessity. Being kind and considerate toward your charge is a crucial component that benefits all involved. Research has shown that elder abuse most often involves family members. The reasons for this vary, of course, but often is a result of the extreme stress and burden of the caregiving process.
There are many forms of abuse, but physical, psychological and financial abuse are the most common found in elder care. Those with dementia are particularly vulnerable. Many caregivers do not have the education or tools to deal with this complex issue and likely do not realize that they are being abusive. Mental insufficiency creates a level of frustration far greater than the norm.
Empathy and compassion are incredibly valuable tools used in an understanding approach to eldercare. Above all they help prevent dehumanization. But why is empathy important?
Understand and Gauge the Needs of Others
Empathy is a fundamental human emotion that enables us to gauge the feelings of another. When we use empathy we see our loved one’s needs more clearly and help them more precisely. People who lack empathy disregard the wellbeing of others, and can inflict serious harm to others. In extreme cases, those who lack empathy are considered psychopaths or sociopaths.
Approximately 1 in 100 people globally are lacking in or completely devoid of empathy. This means that of the approximately 600,000 care home nurses in the USA, 6,000 of these potentially fall into this category. These empathy-devoid people attend to patients with little to no empathy, a frightening thought!
A caring and understanding approach to eldercare includes empathy. It allows us understand our loved one’s emotions and see things from their perspective. This in turn allows us to provide better more appropriate care. Speaking calmly, listening intently, and asking what it is that a patient needs are vital aspects of such an approach.
Help With Decisions
The cognitive and reasoning functions often diminish with age and illness. These functions are required for decision-making, and decisions are required not only for major situations, by day to day activities. Decisions are required not only in areas such as finances, but for routine tasks such as when to use the bathroom, what to eat and when to leave the home.
Issues neglect and abuse are clearly defined by the US Department of Health & Human Services. An appropriate level of self-care must include such things as being able to handle clothing, water, and medication. Similar care must also be delivered with an appropriate level of understanding and compassion or it quickly falls into the category of neglect of abuse. When empathy and compassion are not provided, a loved one can be in danger.
An understanding approach to caregiving includes aiding a loved one in their decision-making when needed. This assistance requires empathy and compassion to be kind and helpful.
Maintain Dignity and Pride
Perhaps the most important aspect of an understanding approach to eldercare is to help our loved one maintain their dignity. Except for cases of extremely diminished mental capacity, elderly people are aware that they are being cared for. Losing one’s independence can be very deflating. Needing someone to help with using the bathroom, for example, can be a real blow to the individual’s self-esteem. This applies to things we take for granted when young and healthy, such as feeding ourselves, going from place to place and bathing.
Taking a compassionate, empathetic and understanding approach when helping our loved ones with these activities is essential. It’s helpful to note that quite often when a person’s ego or dignity are bruised, they may exhibit more difficult behavior. They’re angry, embarrassed, or frustrated and as a result lash out at those who love and care for them the most. As caregivers, we should not take such outbursts personally, as it is not really about us. This behavior is more common with Alzheimer’s or dementia patients.
The dignity of the patient should always be put first, except in extreme circumstances where injury may occur. It is also appropriate to hold good personal boundaries and practice good self-care. Do allow your loved one to care for themselves as much as they can. Observe and provide guidance when necessary, but step back when it is possible.
