Dealing with conflict is not easy for most of us. In relationships that are important to us it’s natural to want to sweep problems under the carpet when they first arise. It’s also tempting to ignore the warning signs of a potential issue. For example, a friend recently asked me to something with a her during a time that I knew would be hectic. I knew full well that there was a good chance I’d have to cancel. But, I didn’t want to disappoint her so I convinced myself that I could make it work. Instead, I set in motion a series of circumstances that were bound to collide sooner or later and a conflict in a relationship would be the ultimate result.
When dealing with conflict, many people wait until the last-minute to make a decision. The day of the event, they message their friend, cancelling their date, apologizing profusely, but blaming “last minute work” demands or some other real, but not fairly dispensed excuse.
Stress, tension and restlessness begins the minute a conflict arises, increases exponentially until the conflict is resolved. The longer we postpone our decision the more discomfort we experience. We all have spent extended periods of time and energy trying to come up with excuses, or trying to find a way to force two incompatible plans to work. In the end, we let our friend down without giving them sufficient notice to make alternate arrangements.
Ultimately, a simple conflict results in a more serious breach in the relationship. The wasted time, energy, and damage to our friendship could all been avoided by using effective coping mechanisms for stressful or overwhelming situations. So, let’s take a moment to consider the most and least effective ways of dealing with these types of situations that occur everyday in life.
Avoid Negative or Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
The first step in dealing with conflict is to become aware any unhealthy coping mechanisms. For example, avoid turning to escape hatches such as alcohol and other emotion numbing substances. These can include overindulging in food, drugs, sex, even exercise. We may be temporarily numbed to the conflict for a time, but it will return once the haze wears off. If you or a loved one has substituted healthy coping with substance abuse you can learn more here.
Foster Healthy Response Mechanisms
There are plenty of potentially stressful situations that arise in all relationships. Therefore, it behooves us to be prepared by learning how to deal effectively with conflict. Here are a some healthy ways of dealing with some common issues.
Conflict with a Partner
When an issue arises with your partner, arrange a time to talk about it. Find a time to meet over coffee or lunch in a neutral location. Letting a problem fester only leads to feelings of resentment and bitterness. On the other hand, when we are emotionally open with one another it helps to strengthen the relationship instead. If you find that you automatically argue or go off topic when you are trying to resolve a situation, consider contacting a marriage counselor or agree to go for couples counselling. This will provide you with a neutral environment and professional guidance to help you both see things more clearly.
Conflict with a Colleague
Hopefully, your coworkers will always be amiable and fair. But sometimes we find ourselves working alongside an individual who we just don’t get along with. Sometimes both parties can carry out day-to-day tasks without rubbing one another the wrong way. However, if you feel intimidated by a colleague or think that they are acting inappropriately, it is important to contact the HR department. It is their job to resolve conflicts and put measures in place to prevent altercations. When working for a small business that doesn’t have an HR department, consulting with a manager or boss is the best alternative.
Conflict with a Friend
Conflict with friends is among the most challenging. Partners tend to make up out of necessity, as their circumstances create daily contact. Colleagues also tend to at least tolerate one another for the sake of their jobs. However, friends can be avoided. We spend time with them because we choose to. So if a problem or argument arises, it’s easy for things to quickly get out of hand and to lose touch with one another.
First, determine how lenient you want to be with your friend. If you truly value your friendship and they are a positive individual to have in your life, you may want to turn a blind eye to small and innocent mistakes or character faults. Next, whenever you are dealing with conflict, avoid going on a tangent or saying things about them or their life that aren’t actually your concern. Avoid throwing their confidences back in their face. This is easy to do in times of anger, but you should learn to control your temper and practice self-restraint.
Have you experienced conflict in your life recently? How have you handled it? Have you used any of the suggestions made here? How did they work for you?
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