Dealing with relapses when you’re trying to break negative patterns in your life, is often a source of frustration and anxiety. Nobody wants to fall back into an addictive behavior when they’ve worked super hard to overcome it. After all, most of us don’t want to participate in negative behaviors or be dependent on drugs or alcohol. So why is it so difficult for us?
Science is now telling us that some people are more predisposed to addiction. This predisposition can show up in a variety of ways and can include things like shopping, gambling, gaming and sex. So if it isn’t so clear-cut, what can be done to help those who have relapsed to not relapse again?
FINDING A SHRARED STRUGGLE
Many times, people do better when they work together on a problem. Finding a partner who can guide and support you with something in their own life, has been shown to give us a better chance of success. You may begin to find such a person by speaking with someone from a drug and alcohol rehab center who can pair you with a person who is going through a similar struggle. They can even perform a dual diagnosis, where you enter the rehab clinic at the same time. You will begin your journey by being diagnosed together and setting the stage for an instant support system. As you share your feelings, successes and concerns with each other, success is more possible and your path less daunting.
THE AFTERTHOUGHT EXPERIENCE
Relapses are not something people seek out. In fact, there is little pre-thought that goes into the decision to step back into a negative pattern. The urgency of the moment supersedes thoughts about what it will be like after a relapse and the difficult emotions they will experience. An effective tool used to stop relapsing is to go through an “afterthought” exercise. To do this, try to imagine you have fallen off the wagon. Then think about what you feel like after the high evaporates, as it always does. Imagine the feelings you will feel, such as deep shame and remorse. Chances are you will have thoughts that include, “I wish I were stronger!” or “I am such a disappointment. I’ve let so many people down.” Recalling the negative outcome of a relapse can be a powerful deterrent.
THE BIGGER GOAL
Sometimes the bigger goals in our lives are so far off that we don’t feel connected to them. This is one of the clearest reasons why people relapse. They don’t feel a deep connection to the goals they want to achieve. However, you can reinforce these goals by reminding yourself of what it will be like to be sober, free of drugs, alcohol and pain. This is a powerful reason to have a partner and support team to remind you when you aren’t able to remind yourself that there is a bigger goal you are reaching for.
Relapses often occur because of a lack of vision and a limited understanding of what it actually feels like to succeed and reach your goal. Many of us have no idea what it’s like to have someone to turn to when we are struggling or to receive and accept support when we need it. It’s a learning experience that comes with the right guidance.
