I hear the words, “I’m so worried” almost every day. While not everyone uses these precise words, their meaning is the same. I hear the alarm in their voice, the concern in their tone and the deep emotion that keeps their thoughts churning.
Trust me. I get it. There’s plenty to worry about these days, and I’ve done my fair share of it in my lifetime. Whether we worry about getting old and all that might come along with it, or the current state of the world, our cascading thoughts and emotions hold us hostage. Worry is not only endless, it gets us nowhere. We think it’s going to because we are so involved in the process.
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” ~ Erma Bombeck
WASTED ENERGY
Worry, however, is like spinning our wheels on icy roads. It doesn’t give us the traction we need to solve our problems. There is no motion, just tons of energy poured into standing still. The process, however, does wear out our tires! Energy spent that does not take us forward, burns out our engine. Try revving your car motor for days on end and see what happens. Our bodies are the same.
I spent endless hours and days myself spinning my wheels with worry. All of my worry did not change things for the better or the worse. I worried about my kids and whether or not they’d make friends. They made friends. I worried about them getting through college and if we’d be able to afford it. They got through school. They do have debts from school that I never anticipated or worried about. I worried about whether or not they’d find jobs they liked. They have jobs they loved. I worried about them finding someone to love. They are both married and are creating lives of their own.
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. Swedish Proverb
I worried about my husband hurting himself at work. He hurt himself at work. I didn’t worry about him having a heart attack. He had a heart attack. I worried about him working until he was seventy. I didn’t worry about him being diagnosed with an incurable disease. He was diagnosed with an incurable disease and retired at 68. All my worry was for naught. It did not change a single, solitary thing.
WORRYING MAKES US SICK
What it did do, is make me sick. Then I worried about my health and I got sicker. I took medication for my worrying and that made me sick. I worried about money. We always had enough. I will tell you what worrying did do. It made me miserable and cast a dark shadow over almost every moment of joy I could have experienced.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” Leo Buscaglia
We only have so much energy. When it goes into worrying, we cannot use it for more positive endeavors.
HOW TO STOP WORRYING
You get the picture. We’re all aware of worrying, but what we do not always fully grasp is how utterly useless it is. We also don’t seem to believe that we can stop it. We don’t understand that worrying is a choice, that we have control over the thoughts we think.
Before anyone can take the first step to change a worry habit, it is necessary to accept, at least intellectually, that worrying is unhealthy and unproductive. Most importantly it is necessary to accept and acknowledge that worry does not give us the power to change a thing. We think it does, and we are wrong.
“Our fatigue is often caused not by work but by worry, frustration, and resentment.” Dale Carnegie
We think: “If I don’t worry, then I can’t be prepared for what’s ahead.” False
In fact, worrying clouds our judgement and narrows our viewpoint. Worrying is a form of stress and stress shuts down the most creative portion of our brain. We lose our ability to think outside the box, and thinking outside of the box is an invaluable resource when dealing with a problem.
Our goal should not be to worry ourselves into planning. It does not have the power to control what happens to us. Instead, our goal must be to put aside worrying, enjoy our lives exactly as they are, and trust that we will have the resources we need to deal with a problem when it arises.
“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom
EXAMPLE
During the decade before my husband became ill, I learned to stop worrying. My focus turned to expanding the creative, joyful parts of my life. I developed a support system, reconnected with my siblings, and let go of people who drained me. When I suddenly faced the challenge of his diagnosis, I was more than ready to take it on. Yes, it was a shock. Certainly it was, and is a very demanding part of my life. But in all honestly, I do not believe I could have handled it as I have had I not changed the way I think. If I’d spent he decade continuing to worry, depleting my physical resources in the process, I feel certain my body would have given way under this new pressure.
“By forgetting the past and by throwing myself into other interests, I forget to worry.” Jack Dempsey
TIPS TO HELP YOU STOP WORRYING
ACKNOWLEDGE THE TRUTH ABOUT WORRY
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- Worry is not only non-productive, it depletes our energy and causes illness.
- Worry does not give us the power to change, prepare or improve anything about our lives.
- We can develop the ability to cope and deal with any problem that arises without using worry to get there.
CHANGE FOCUS & REFRAME THOUGHTS
- Interrupt worry by focusing on something that brings better feeling thoughts and feelings.
Example: Sandy has been worrying for days about her grandson who has been slow to talk. She lies awake in bed at night wondering what is wrong with him, is her daughter and son-in-law doing enough to help him, and wishing she lived closer. She wakes up exhausted and slogs through the day until she can call them in the evening and touch base. When she does she discovers he’s a happy child and getting along okay.
Once Sandy becomes aware of her “worry” habit she can take action. Just as soon as she realizes she’s worrying, she can stop the thoughts. In fact, it might be helpful for her to say out loud, “no more worry thoughts”. Then immediately turn her attention toward an activity that uses her mind and takes her attention. That might be something like reading a book, learning something new, helping a friend, cleaning out a closet. The brain cannot worry when it’s busy doing something else!
- 2. When a worry thought arises, write it down. Then reframe the thought to one that is positive. Gratitude works great for this.
WORRY: “I’m terrified I’m not going to have enough money to pay the bills in a few years.”
REFRAIN: “I have enough right now. In fact, I have everything I need. My heart is filled with gratitude for all that I do have; a place to live, a roof over my head, food in the cupboard and family and friends that would help me if I asked them. Life is good.”
Just these two practices, repeated over and over, will wear away at the worry habit. Before you know it, you will be sleeping better and feeling lighter. Who knows you might even begin to enjoy life! 🙂
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