It seems I’ve taken a high dive into the deep end of the caregiver stress pool! The unimaginable happened, and as some of you know, I am now in the position of caring for my husband. While I am familiar with caregiving from the aging parent viewpoint, caring for a spouse is a very different balancing act.
The lessons I learned while navigating my parent’s care is an invaluable resource for me now. At the top of this list is the importance of self-care. It is essential for all of us, regardless of our circumstances, to learn how we manage, and don’t manage, stress. The earlier in life we begin a focused effort to manage it better and develop practices that help create a cushion of resilience, the better off we will be when a crisis in our life occurs. If there’s one life lesson that I’ve come to rely on is that it’s the thing we don’t see coming that knocks our socks off. A lifestyle designed to minimize stress prepares us for any eventuality.
A WAKE UP CALL
This morning when I opened up my email, Esther Hicks had a reminder for me:
“If there is something that you have to do, resist the temptation to do it under duress. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that would happen if I didn’t do this?” And if you can get away with not doing it at all, don’t do it. And then imagine what would it feel like to have this done. Spend a day or two, if you can, just 15 minutes here, 5 minutes here, 2 minutes here, here and here, imagining it completed in a way that pleases you! And then, the next time you decide that you’re going to take action about it, the action is going to be a whole lot easier.” ~ Esther Hicks
She is so very right! Caregivers, and really all of us, have to consider again and again what to keep and what to let slide. I’m not getting any younger either, and while I’m fairly healthy, my energy is not what it used to be. Still, if I am careful, I can do everything I must do, and most want to do, without the weight of exhaustion.
THE THREE B’s
Martha Beck’s books and teachings were the first to find their way onto my bookshelves in my 50’s when the great midlife shift began in earnest. The timing was perfect as I was indeed looking for my North Star. I set aside so many things while raising my children that I scarcely knew who I was. I decided it was time to find out. Martha Beck’s “three Bs” was a perfect first step.
Martha Beck’s 3 B’s: Bag It, Barter It, Better It
We are faced with choices every day of our lives. Sometimes these choices are easy, others not so much. When you feel the tug of negativity over an upcoming task or decision choose one of three options: Bag it: choose to say no; Barter it: Work out a barter arrangement with someone who is willing to do the task for you in exchange for something you can do for them that is more to your liking; Better it: Add something to the task that will make it more enjoyable.
Examples to Relieve Caregiver Stress
Bag It: You’ve inadvertently scheduled two appointments in the same day and it feels overwhelming. Choose one and reschedule the second. You’ve been invited to coffee with a neighborhood group. You didn’t sleep well and you have scheduled to watch your granddaughter the following day. The group meets monthly. Bag it. Your health and time with your granddaughter are your priority.
Barter It: You spent the day yesterday grocery shopping and cleaning the house for weekend visitors. Today you woke up tired and looking forward to some quiet reading. The pharmacy calls to tell you your mother’s prescriptions are ready. The thought of picking them up and delivering them to your mother, which you ordinarily don’t mind doing, feels like too much. But, she needs her medications. You call your sister and ask her if she would mind doing this for you and offer to pick up a few groceries for Mom next week, a job she usually handles.
Using the three Bs provides endless opportunities for making the difficult a little easier. Caregiver stress is alleviated by just such creative problem solving. We don’t have to do everything that we think we do!
great reminders!